


Let's Go Another Round on the Carousel

by indevan



Series: Yellow Lighter [3]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: F/M, First Time, M/M, Multi, Sappy Ending, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-04 03:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4123536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indevan/pseuds/indevan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Izuki has zero experience with experience and is nervous about having a boyfriend who is not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Go Another Round on the Carousel

Izuki Shun has a problem.  It isn’t a regular sort of problem like a math problem (if only) it’s a problem with sex.  He’s never had it.  He hasn’t had it and he has no one to talk to about it.  It is readily obvious that his boyfriend has had a lot of sex and that he is only holding back from the sex because he is certain that Izuki isn’t ready (the hours away they live from each other notwithstanding).

The “no one to talk about it” issue comes from the fact that, as a whole, his team is fairly inexperienced in the carnal pleasures.  No carnivores here.  Tsuchida wants to have sex but his girlfriend isn’t ready.  Even Mitobe and Koga, who’ve been together since middle school, have never had sex.  He glances across the court to where Riko and Hyuuga are.  They have her phone between them as they talk to Kiyoshi who is back in Japan but at physical therapy today.  Seirin’s premiere married couple and their boyfriend, folks.  Collectively as inexperienced as Izuki himself.

The after practice cooldown, at least, is good to collect his thoughts.  Hayama is coming in today.  He is spending the night--meeting his parents, doing the rounds--and he doesn’t know what that means.  Will sex be on the table?  Literally on the table?  Izuki has no clue.  He has one last chance to talk about this before he arrives--a very excited “TRAIN ARRIVED!” mail had appeared a half hour ago--and he has to take the opportunity.

Kuroko and Kagami are sitting in the free throw line, ostensibly doing homework.  Kuroko, at least, is chiding Kagami while he corrects his worksheets.  Kagami--whose leg has been acting up again--is sitting across from him, a look of satisfaction belying the disgruntled grumpiness on his face.

“Question,” he says. “It’s personal--personally speaking, have you two…”

Izuki makes a fiddly hand gesture that’s pretty easy to read.  Kagami and Kuroko didn’t announce to the team, the world, that they were together.  Everyone just expected it and to see them walk into practice one day hand in hand was not a surprise but merely a foregone conclusion.

“Eh?” Kagami asks. “You’re asking about sex?”

He looks a bit flushed and it probably isn’t from attempting to play with an injured leg--Riko caught him straightaway, of course.

“Well, yeah.  I...have no one to talk to about first times and I thought you could...help.”

Kuroko looks at him with his even gaze, his expression betraying nothing.

“Are you thinking of sleeping with Hayama-kun?”

The way he puts it out there is, well, off-putting.  He just nods.

“Don’t just do it to do it,” Kagami says and he’s still flushed so his statement is surprising. “My first time was terrible.”

It’s surprising, then, that his first time was not with Kuroko.  At least, he figures, since Kuroko reacts none at all to this statement except with a solemn nod.

“What happened?”

He shrugs and rubs at his shin, wincing a bit in pain.

“I was fourteen and Tatsuya brought me to this house party.  And there was this guy there who was older and thought I was older ‘cause I was tall and he took me to the bathroom and it just wasn’t right and I cried and the guy asked why and I said I was fourteen and he started freaking out and apologizing.  He was, like, seventeen but it was.  I dunno.  I feel like I wasted it.  I wish I’d waited.”

He finishes his statement with another rub to his shin.  Kuroko places his hand over his and smiles softly.

“Mine was...good,” he says with a hint of a blush cresting his cheeks. “With Kagami-kun.  I was with someone in middle school but we never had sex.  He wanted to but I wasn’t ready so he respected that.”

Izuki can guess who the “he” is.  He remembers seeing Aomine’s reaction to Kuroko’s new playing partner.  Eagle eye, after all.

“I’m not saying it has to be really romantic and like a Journey song.” Sometimes Kagami’s American-ness shows very blatantly but at least he isn’t using California slang again.

“Meaning love isn’t necessary,” Kuroko says, “but you should like them, at least.”

He considers this.  He definitely likes Hayama.  A like that can definitely turn into something more.  He just isn’t sure if he’s ready.  He thinks of Kagami’s story, with some random stranger at a party, and he definitely doesn’t want that.  Kuroko’s wasn’t as detailed but he can tell from the subtle changes in his face that he’s happy about it.  He wants that.

He doesn’t get the chance to press either of them more because the doors to the gym are thrown open and there’s his boyfriend backlit by the sun like some kind of celestial being.  Izuki’s heart does a fanciful little jig in his chest and he’s drawn from Kuroko and Kagami to the doors.  Hayama smiles at him, his snaggle tooth worrying over his lip the way it does when Izuki knows he wants to kiss him.

It’s then that he notices who’s standing behind him.  Akashi looks like little boy lost standing in the doorway and it’s...disconcerting.

“You brought Akashi?”

“I brought my friends,” he says and then his grin widens. “Don’t worry.  Reo-nee and Ei-chan are doing coupley things in the city and Akashi just came to talk to someone.  I’m only here for you.”

He’s grinning and his face is so bright and inviting that Izuki initiates the kissing.  Koga, from somewhere in the back, makes a whooping noise.  He breaks it off and Hayama smiles, pressing his forehead against his.  They’re getting better at this casual touching thing and Izuki’s glad.  He’s never had a boyfriend before so there were a few weeks of awkward hand holding and almost innocent pecks on the cheek and lips.

“They’re all staying in a hotel,” Hayama assures him. “I can, too, if…”

He’s the one holding the card in terms of experience but they’re doing it on Izuki’s time.  He shakes his head.

“No, my mom is dying to meet you, anyway.”

“Oh, good.  Akashi kicks in his sleep so sharing a bed with him is annoying.”

Izuki laughs and reaches out to squeeze his hand.  He knows all eyes are on them but he finds himself not particularly caring.

“Is he here to talk to Kuroko?” he asks instead because it’s easier to talk about other things than their impending sleepover.

“Hmm?  No.  I think he fancies someone on your team.”

That’s news.  Izuki steals a look at Akashi who’s watching Furihata from where he’s sitting, basketball tucked under his arm and one hand brushing sweaty bangs away from his forehead.  He looks almost sheepish and it’s so out of character from what he’s seen of him that it’s practically dizzying.  He approaches slowly, his feet almost unsure.  The attention of those who’ve noticed are now on Rakuzan’s captain as he approaches Furihata with the delicacy of someone attempting brain surgery.

“Hello,” he says and, when Furihata turns, he adds, “A lovely night for an evening, right?”

Izuki almost chokes.  He presses his face into Hayama’s shoulder.  From what he’s seen and what Kuroko’s said, he honestly never thought that there could be anything that Akashi was bad at but apparently flirting is one.  Furihata furrows his brow and his hands clutch the basketball tightly--apparently he still remembers their interaction on the court.

“Huh?  I mean, I guess so.”

It’s almost painful to watch but Izuki can’t look away.  More importantly, it’s getting his mind off of sex and his lack of any and all experience at it and so he watches it like it’s a particularly engrossing drama.  They’re looking at each other in what is the world’s most awkward eye contact imaginable.  It’s some kind of cheesy teen romance comedy, it feels.  Those American ones, especially.

“Stop staring!” Riko shouts.  Hyuuga, so close to her, winces from the sound. “They’re embarrassed enough already!”

This, of course, makes things worse and both Furihata and Akashi’s faces turn the color of the latter’s hair.  She’s right, though, and he can’t be using their embarrassingly adorable interaction as a distraction from his own thoughts.

“I have to shower,” he says, “but then we can go.”

Hayama grins and gives him a thumbs-up.

\--

The last person Izuki had sleep over his house was Hyuuga and they were children.  They stayed up reading books and playing with toys until his big sister, designated babysitter, made them go to bed.  This is nothing like that.  Hayama touches his belongings in his room: his joke books, his basketball posters, his trophy from the Winter Cup, as if trying to figure something out.

“It’s okay if we don’t do it,” he says.

“Have you done it a lot?”

It sounds silly when he says it aloud but Hayama certainly implies that he has a lot of experience.  Mibuchi alluded to it last time he was in Kyoto.  Hayama taps his lower lip with his finger and a crease appears between his brows.

“Well...it depends,” he says finally.

“Depends on what?”

“What you count as sex.”

There’s degrees of sex?  Izuki fights the urge to rub his head.  Why isn’t there some kind of book for seventeen-year-old virgins who have their first boyfriends?

“What do you mean?”

Hayama crosses to Izuki’s bed and sits down.  Draws his knees up and wraps his arms around them.

“If you’re counting dick-to-ass, penetrative sex, I’ve only been with, like, five guys.  My dick, their asses.” Izuki must look embarrassed because he says, “Sorry, Shun.”

He waits for him to continue.  Hayama is fiddling with the choppiest bits of his hair now, looking nervous.

“But...other stuff, well...it’s probably somewhere around, like…” He winces. “Thirty-six?  Thirty-seven?”

Izuki feels his jaw drop, actually drop.  Jaws did that?  He can’t think about it.  It isn’t the number that’s really surprising it’s that he suddenly feels very, very scared.  Hayama has experience, loads of experience, and he has none.  Before they started dating, the most action he’s gotten was Kiyoshi kissing him, once, in the excitement after a game and he’s fairly certain he was so giddy that he mistook him for Hyuuga.  Hayama looks at his face and winces again.

“You think I’m sleazy, don’t you?”

Izuki shakes his head because, no, he doesn’t.

“I’m just surprised and I’m...worried because I don’t have any experience.”

He doesn’t mention the other thing, which Hayama knows, but it’s unspoken and so he nods.

“It’s fine, Shun.  We can take it slow or take it nowhere at all.” He smiles a big beaming grin and he can see his incisor sticking out over his lower teeth and it makes him look all the more endearing.

Izuki feels a heat coil in his stomach and swallows nervously.  He’s nervous and tentative but he wants this.  It’s why he insisted he sleep over, really.  Hearing all that is intimidating but he trusts Hayama to make it good, to make him feel good.

He leans forward to kiss him on that grinning mouth and Hayama gently cups the back of his head as they lean more on the bed.  This is happening.  The trepidation and fear from earlier is starting to melt away with each kiss, each touch.

“I won’t be number thirty-eight,” he murmurs against Hayama’s lips.

“No, but you can be number three--if you’re alright with that.”

He laughs and that somehow makes him feel better.  He nods because that sort of thing is something he’s been thinking about and he feels comfortable enough to let Hayama do it.

They continue kissing, now fully horizontal on the bed.

“This good?” Hayama asks.

Izuki nods and kisses him again.

\--

He feels somehow different even though he knows that nothing is different.  Having sex doesn’t fundamentally change someone.  But it feels so supremely different, like there was a boundary he had yet to cross and now he had.  More than that, he thought no one would truly want to be with him in that way but now he has a boyfriend who wanted him and is wanted by him.  It’s...astounding.  Izuki lays in bed long afterwards.  Hayam is curled around him, his breath warm on the slope of Izuki’s neck.  He stares at the ceiling, at the way the darkness dissipates and looks almost fuzzy like a staticky television.  He’s never noticed it before but he’s never been in the habit of staring up at his ceiling when he should be asleep.

The pain isn’t as bad as thought--for all his exuberance and energy, Hayama went slow--and everything else is...he feels good.  He feels whole.  The nervousness will remain, he figures, for some time but he’s done it.  He’s done it and he doesn’t feel regret.  He pictures fourteen-year-old Kagami crying on someone’s bathroom counter and glad that that’s not what happened.  That it was him and Hayama in his bed, discovering each other.

In reality, it was probably less romantic than he’s thinking of.  There was sweating and elbowing each other and knees to the bellies but he wouldn’t ask for something else.  He thinks he may be on his way to falling in love, honestly.

Izuki lets his eyes droop closed and turn into Hayama’s arms to try and drift to sleep.  He’s never shared a bed either but now he doesn’t want to imagine sleeping in one by himself.  He realizes how sappy that sounds but he finds himself not caring.

\--

It’s a teary farewell at the train the next morning.  Mibuchi’s up against the window, fluttering his eyelids.  He blows hot air on the pane and draws a heart in the fog.  Nebuya’s next to him, making kissy faces and, from what Hayama’s said, he figures he deserves it.

Hayama holds both of his hands and kisses the tip of his nose.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he says.

“I’ll miss you, too.  Soon.”

“Soon.”

“Come the fuck on, Kota-chan!” Mibuchi shouts and Izuki’s surprised.  Mibuchi is usually so...quasi-elegant and composed that hearing him swear seems out of place. “Or we’re leaving without you.”

“Leave them be,” Akashi says quietly.  He seems more subdued and he wonders what happened between him and Furihata after he left.

Izuki is glad for it because after this, he doesn’t know when he’ll see him again before it’s on the court.

“I’m really gonna miss you.”

He thinks it means “I love you” just as Izuki’s reply of “I’ll miss your missing” says it as well.  He thinks neither of them are there to say it yet but it feels like something new, something coming, that defines it.  It isn’t the sex that made the change but that they’re making that commitment, that step.  That they trust each other enough.  It’s...amazing, honestly.

He kisses him and folds something in his hand as he steps onto the train.  It’s become a sort of exchange between them both.  The door slides shut and Hayama waves the hand holding his lighter, grinning broadly.

Before it zooms out of the station, he fogs up the glass and draws a heart.  Izuki makes one with his hands and places it to his chest.  In the window next to him, Mibuchi and Nebuya clutch each other and, presumably, start giggling.

The train shoots away and Izuki isn’t sure when his cheap yellow lighter became a symbol for his heart but, sappy as it sounds, he’s sure that it’s zooming along with Hayama back to Kyoto.

 


End file.
